Since leaving one semester behind and entering a new one, I have again felt the weight of a busy life all too heavy on my shoulders. I have a tendency to go along, thinking I am handling all the fuss very well, and though I notice myself becoming increasingly tired, I cannot seem to convince myself that I can change my load or fate. I end up more and more stressed and anxious until my poor little human body cannot hold any more. Everything must therefore burst forth with a dramatic vengeance and I become a helpless mess for a few weeks, crying for no reason, needing more sleep than anything else (though rarely getting it), fighting with Hubby for very unreasonable things, and so on. I somehow manage not to be a crazy person when I am in public, but even managing that feat can manifest a stress-knot of hormone imbalances, increased heart-rate and breathing difficulties. Do you ever get so upset about something that your actual brain feels uncomfortable somehow? Like it’s vibrating on a different wavelength than it normally does? It’s mildly akin to how one feels when a traumatic event happens in their lives, such as a death or an accident. Sometimes I feel this way just because an few extra bills have shown up this month, or I cannot wrap my head around the number of assignments I have coming up.Though the changing season brings whispers of winter darkness and flighty, airy thought patterns, Autumn also brings beautiful golden moments of earthy grounding and feelings of support. The coolness in the air can be just as calming as it can be unsettling and edgy, while the drizzly rain is as cozy and hydrating to my parched soul as it is dampening to the spirit. Choosing your mood is imperative I suppose.
In seeking balance for these seasons of troubling symptoms and mind-body miscommunications, I always find solace in Nature; even if her increasing dark is upsetting, her own balancing act of bright colours and bountiful harvest shows me that I, too, am capable of balancing my life. Even though all the negatives always seem to come at once, I need to remember that the positives also make grand gestures. I will make it through this time, just as I have made it through every single time before. I just need to slow down, take care of myself and allow myself to fully feel what I need to before moving on to the next problem.
Jessica Flanigan of AIP Lifestyle has been very inspirational for me during many of these times, and as a loving human herself, she really knows the importance of sadness. I can only hope that I can someday accept this necessary life-lesson!
Perhaps eventually I will listen when I tell myself these wise-ish words. It is just life, and it will go on, somehow. It always does. In the meantime, a walk in the forest or by the ocean will most likely help make this moment a little easier. And maybe some warm, cozy soup and a big, fluffy sweater.